Everyone has a story, right?! Some sad, some horrible, and others who don’t have much to complain about, but can’t seem to get their groove on. Probably where I fall in. All things considered, I have had a good life; but I have been a single mom for 19 of my son’s 22 years. Some times have been harder than others, but the last 2 years have been life changing and these days I find myself in a “funk” that I just can’t seem to pull out of! Though I try to seem “happy” and content with life, for the most part, I am just NOT! Unlike most of you, fortunately or unfortunately, I am on the downhill side of life. But I just keep thinking, there must have been a purpose, a plan devised by God, for me to have survived Life Changing Event #1.
Early in 2014, I found myself in the ER one Sunday afternoon after church with an unbelievable pain in my chest. After numerous test, the doc said they could find nothing wrong, BUT he wanted to admit me for another test in the morning. Later that evening they found that I had a pretty rough heart attack which damaged 40% of my heart (my “widow maker” artery was 100% blocked), and had I been sent home, all of my doctors said I would not be alive today! (See #17 on my 100 things list).
One year later (within a week) my father who was for the last 20+ years my best friend passed away! Because I was a single mom, he spent almost every gameday/night going with me to watch my son play baseball, football, basketball or wrestling! We also had some awesome adventures travelling which created so many memories. But memories can’t hold a candle to having them there when you need to talk, to share some news, or just to sit with and listen! Life changing event #2 – losing my best friend. Since that loss, the rest of my family is in turmoil. My mom is devastated and works hard to make everyone around her miserable. My sister (whom I was very close to) and I have spoken in 4 months (her choice, not mine)!
Add changing jobs and emergency gall bladder removal surgery in the mix and
needless to say, the last two years have been a tinge on the rough side!!!
Hence the reason…the reason I am just content, finding a hard time finding joy, wondering if I will ever be truly HAPPY??
And the reason I think Mary Beth and I connected (through my son) at a Chris Stapleton concert. I knew her through my son and his friends, and had read her blog last year. Loved reading the blog and following her journey, but never thought of doing this until we talked a couple of days ago. My thought then was…I want to find joy and happiness in MYSELF! I want what she has!! And so with her encouragement, as well as the rest of you that have been posting on FB, I am making my list! I am looking forward to taking this journey with the quest of finding JOY in each item on the list! In finding the true happiness inside me!
yanas100things 